Twenty-Three

The countdown has begun.

I’m gonna be 23 years old in 2 months and 9 days. (Not that I’m counting, of course.) For those who care, 18th June Baby! For those who don’t, you’re dead to me. In ‘honor’ of my oh-so-estimable 22 years, I present to you –

23 Things I Learned In Life

1. When a guy says he likes you, ‘why?’ is not the appropriate sophisticated response. [still learning]
2. That one-year old murukku that you found in a rusty old tin while moving house? It will not taste good. [Age 16. So it took me a while. Bite me.]
3. Always keep spare shoes in the car. Especially if you plan to wear pointy high-heeled black boots. [Age 22]
4. Giant t-shirts and collared shirts are not feminine. [Age 18]
5. Don’t wear socks for at least an hour after you paint your toenails [Age 13]
6. It takes at least 4 pins to be comfortable in a sari. [Age 15]
7. Never sleep with your hair wet. You’ll have bad hair for a year. [Age 16]
8. Making funny faces at the camera is an awesome way to camouflage your un-photogenic-ness. [Age 11?]
9. Veggies are friends not foes. Well… unless they’re French Peas. (See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_VeggieTales_characters#The_French_Peas) [Age 23. Hmph!]
10. Movies based on books are almost NEVER as good as the books.
[Age 11. Movie–Ivanhoe]
11. Not everyone you meet likes you. Bummer. [All through college]
12. Teletubbies are creepy. [Age 14]
13. Brand new ballet shoes hurt like hell. But wear them a couple of times and they become the comfiest shoes ever. [Age 21]
14. Sneakers are always comfy. [Age 2]
15. The world doesn’t owe you any favors. Complaining about how the world is unfair is not going to help anyone. [Still learning]
16. Power is fun. Sure it corrupts but it's still fun. [Age 17]
17. Questions like ‘What are your feelings on vegetables?’ are not good ice breakers. [Age 19]
18. Just because someone calls themselves your friend, does not mean that they are. [Age 20]
19. PMS is the world’s best excuse for anything. [Age 15]
20. Tom and Jerry cartoons rule. [Age 3]
21. When something bothers you, find a way to fix it. If there is no possible way to fix it, deal with it. Whining is never helpful. [Still learning]
22. Developing a thick skin is vital if you drive in Bangalore. Because you will get yelled at, cursed, and THOOO-ified on. Especially if you drive like I do. [Age 20]
23. It’s dark and scary at 5:30 in the morning. Which is why I never wake up before 7. [Age 12]

Ex-Large

It seems that I DO have a super-power.

Turns out that yes, I am super-girl and my super-power is that I can wheeze at will. SuperGirl! Fighting the forces of evil… and for her breath since 1986. Yay me. Applications for seedy sidekicks are now available. The line forms to my left. No pushing.

But really, I can. This one time, I was watching America's Sweethearts and there's this one scene where John Cusack runs up this pretty steep-ish hill-like thingie, and he was NOT at all winded by all that activity. I was so surprised and awed, that in the ultimate psychosomatic turn of events, I got out of breath instead. (I only just realized that they could have been two separate scenes filmed at two completely different times. Hmph.) Or more recently, I was talking to boss the other day, while climbing up a very short flight of stairs, and suddenly I thought ,"Wait. Some people would get tired walking up these steps, right?"... and consequently lost my breath. Huh.

Fitness has always been a sore point with me. Really. I even injured my humerus. It's not funny. I've tried just about every possible method short of surgery to help me lose weight. (For those of you I haven't met, or those I HAVE met but are living under a certain rock, I must admit, I am a tad erm…'rubenesque'.) I've tried everything from the no-carb diet to the no-dinner diet, from swimming to jive lessons (For those who care, two left feet baby!) One time, I even considered eating all my food with chopsticks! Yup, when it comes to weight loss schemes, I've been there, done that... for a couple of days at least. The Lord may giveth, but sometimes the 'taketh away' bit ain't half bad either.

So I'm starting a new fitness thingamajig tomorrow. Hopefully, I'll actually stick with it... for more than 3 days this time. But I shall persevere! I shall overcome! Like that charismatic, young leader often says, 'Yes, we can!' Obama says it too. I wonder if Bob the builder was his campaign speech writer. Or maybe, they're both the same person! Think about it, we've never seen them both together at the same time, have we? Cue Twilight Zone theme music and Voice-over: Picture this, if you will....
Doom doom doooom.

My Random Randomness

I have a sports related injury. Playing Foozball. I just bruised my thumb but I feel very cool because this is my first ever sports related injury. No wait… Second. The first was when I broke my ankle playing basketball. Shivonne pushed me against the wall and I ahem ‘fell on my ankle’. We’re vicious when we play sports, which is why we don’t play. Well, that and because we tank at sports.

So Feb was not a good month for me, creatively at least. I wrote two of the worst poems ever written. Ever. Britney Spears ain’t got nothing on me.

I was tagged on Facebook (I like it coz it’s pretty. Don’t judge me! I’m shallow. Get over yourself already!) Yes, the tagging. So the point is that you have to write 25 absolutely random things about yourself. And send it to whomever. And the madness continues. It’s fun. And because my creativity is on a very long, unscheduled vacation, this is what I’m gonna write about.

So my dear readers, consider yourself tagged.

Facebook buddies! Fear not! This list is not the same as the list on Facebook. Well… not COMPLETELY. For one thing, I’m only writing 20. And some are totally new, because:

1. Yes, I am that self-absorbed.

So here’s my 20 randoms. Drum roll please.

1. I don’t know what kinda music I like. One day it’s jazz and the next day I’m drooling over Jimi Hendrix. All I know is that I hate polka.
2. I trip all over the place even when I’m barefoot. Actually, especially when I’m barefoot.
3. I have two signatures. One for bank stuff and one for when I become famous. They’re both hideous.
4. I write lists for everything. My excitement over anything is directly proportional to the number of lists I make for that ‘event’.
5. I have started going to the baby Sabbath school because – a. The kids are freakishly adorable. b. The Sabbath school teacher gives us treats. Woohoo!
6. I get very annoyed by T.V. shows like Family Guy and The Nanny. But I watch them anyway.
7. I wanna be a rockstar. My stage fright and the fact that I can’t play a single instrument are just minor trivialities.
8. I have two settings. Lazy and not. ‘Not’ is when I’m nice to people.
9. I want to throw Mika, Enrique Iglesias, James Blunt, and the Scissor Sisters into a bottomless, sound-proof pit.
10. My sisters are the most important people in my life.
11. I had a phase where I’d only wear men’s shirts, jeans and bandanas. I call it my Rosie O’Donnell years.
12. I don’t like wearing baseball caps because it makes me look like Wayne from Wayne’s world. No, I am not worthy.
13. When I was 5, Shivonne gave me a sandwich filled with actual sand. It turned me off bread and jam for years.
14. I hate Scooby Doo. I hate Scrappy Doo even more. I love the Powerpuff girls. Go figure.
15. I never judge a book by its cover. Just by its opening line.
16. I can never remember if I liked a particular song or not. So I ask Shivonne.
17. I think that bookstores are the most magical places on earth.
18. I love camping. In the living room. With tents made out of bed-linen.
19. I get annoyed really easy. But I rarely actually lose my temper.
20. I’m petrified of any kind of worm. So much that I’ve stopped watching Animal Planet.

Tada! Now you’re it. Happy 20/25 random-ing y’all!

The New Year - Tis The Season To Speak Falsely, Falalalalalalalala

31st Dec, 2008

Sheryll’s New Year Resolutions
1. Start going to the gym
2. Cut down on sugar.
3. Plan for future.
4. Write more
5. Minimize food spillage
6. Believe in the wonderful things that life has to offer. Life is good. Everything’s going to be great.

9th January, 2009

Life’s bitch and then you die.
Well, so much for Resolution #6. Let’s see how I fared with the others, shall we?

1.Start going to the gym
I went, I saw, I left. The End.

2.Cut down on sugar
This one actually worked out for a few days. And then my colleague comes back from vacation and brings with her this insane Telugu sweet thing called Pootharekulu. No I don’t know what that means. What I DO know is that it’s starch and sugar. Literally. Dried sheets of kanji-like thingums filled with a mixture of powdered sugar and a liquid-y thing I suspect is ghee. It’s so insanely sweet, Willy Wonka would think it’s a bit much. It’s disgusting and I love it. Maybe it’s brings back memories of my childhood (Stealing munchies from the neighbors upstairs. What can I say? I started young), or maybe I just have a death wish. Either way, I fell off the wagon. All the bouncing and ‘amItalkingtoofast?AmI?AmI?’ that happened afterwards was just the sugar talking. I swear.

3.Plan for the future.
Oh I have this one down. First I gotta go to the pet store and buy a dozen cats which I will name Jefferson, Mr. Tibbles, and so on. Then off to Commercial Street and buy me some kitty cat motif dishes and about three thousand lace doilies. Give it a few years and my future as crazy cat lady is set.

4. Write more.

An Ode to Porridge

Porridge, you taste like milk and grit,
Fueling my flair for the dramatic.
Why Goldilocks broke into a house for it,
Seems to be a bit masochistic.

What? No?? Really? OK.
Hmph.

5. Minimize food spillage
‘She failed miserably’, said the mountain of rice dropped unceremoniously on the kitchen counter.

Sigh.
On the plus side, Christmas ’08 was wonderful. It’s been 8 years since we last celebrated it as a family, so this time we really went all out. The tree! The decorations! The food! The gifts! And of course, the inevitable drama over scented body lotion (You know who you are!! Stealer of gift meant for Sheryll!). Where was I? Oh yes, Christmas parties with silly games like hip charades (You try spelling out ‘sweet’ with your hips), french charades and ‘meow’. Actually, I was introduced to meow a year ago and I’m still reeling under its mushroom cloud-like aftermath.
Most thrillingly, we won the coveted ‘Best AY team’ prize. To all those who helped –THANKS!! Big shout-out to Willie, Rohit P. and my baby sister Shivonne (OK! So she’s 20. Sue me.)

Happy New Year y’all. And may the force be with you.

Queen, Drama

Life’s all about control and I’ve got very little of it. I cry easily, and laugh just as quick. I lose my temper in ahem… the twinkling of an eye, and more often than not, I'll have a snappy response to just about anything you have to say. You could say I’m fiery, but I’m not really all that hot.

I have an evil alien living in my larynx. I call it Bob. It likes to rear its ugly head during intense and stressful moments in my life. Like job interviews. Especially job interviews. I remember this one time, when I was in my third year of college; I had this interview with this one company. The HR person asked me what I would do to improve the human brain. My oh-so-smart answer was *Drum rolls* - A lobotomy.

I blame Bob.

But think about it. Sometimes a lobotomy would be good. Not the scary, creepy ones they force on unsuspecting people in Sidney Sheldon books and old Hollywood movies from the 60’s of course. But what if we could magically eliminate all negative thought? (Ok... MOST. We don’t want turn into Stepford wives.) I can’t help but wonder how far we can go once we let go of all the fears, doubts and insecurities that we KNOW are holding us back. It’s easier said than done obviously, just like all the other things we should be doing.

I got baptized two weeks ago, which to an Adventist is a pretty big deal. And I, in true drama queen/worrywart fashion, spent the week before that living in total terror. I was petrified about, of all things, the pastor losing his grip and dropping me into the water (as opposed to well… not). After all, there’s only so much a man can take, right? Well he didn’t drop me. Woohoo. Wait, actually, I did fall… but that was much, much later and thankfully, it was OUT of the baptismal tank. It was still in front of a pretty sizable crowd though.

Oh well. You win some, you lose some.

When Hips Do Lie

The family has served me with one of them cease-and-desist thingums. It’s from my secret stash of potato chips. Now I have a restraining order against my crunchy-munchies. As queen of the snackers, I can only cry, ‘TREASON!!’

Whatever.

My mom has a very scientific approach to dieting. She says, ‘Eat whatever you want. Just eat half the quantity. See? Basic Math.” So let’s see. Half the quantity would mean that I’m twice as hungry and therefore TWICE as cranky. Now that’s some freaky-deeky math you do NOT want to get involved with.

So my fitness regime is gonna start like all the others – carefully choreographed to ‘Eye of the Tiger’. I expect to see drastic results in about 20 to 40 frames. What?? You mean life’s NOT like in the movies??

No shit.

The Good, The Bad, The Blah.

So yesterday, my dad threw an orange at me. In a totally playful, sporty, non-child abuse kinda way. Unfortunately, I 'flinched' instead of 'caught'. I've never seen my dad look so disappointed in me ever.
Disappointing mumsy and pops? Not my favorite thing. However there are things I do like. So I present to you,
'Sheryll's Sporadically Announced List of Thingums in No Particular Order of Preference'

The Good - Things I do like:

*Strawberry and Cream Alphenlibe lollipops.
You don't have to spell it right to enjoy it.

*People-watching
Not judge. Watch. OK.. sometimes judge.. but mostly watch. OK FINE! Always judge. Happy now?

*The smell of new Bata chappals.
I once bought a pair... not to wear. Just coz they smelled nice. True story.

*Watching small children crying on their way to the school bus in the morning.
HA ha. I like to point and laugh. Poor kiddos. What a life! Waking up at 6 in the morning to catch a bus to go to a place that demands so much dedication and effort. (The fact that I noticed all this from my cab that picks me up at 7:30 every morning to take me to work, only just occurred to me. Thanks a lot.)

*The feel of crisp, clean bedsheets.
Mmmm. Ain't nothing better than that.

*Curling up with a really good book.
Rainy day, comfy chair/bed, hot hot Kapi, and of course, the all-important awesome book. Nice. Haven't come across enough of those tho.. (the awesome books I mean) Recommendations would be welcome.

*Shoes.
Sheryll like pretty shoes. One day the shoe-makers of the world will realise that not every one has size 3 feet and that day, Sheryll will... Well, first stop talkin in the third person.

*The scent of my elder sister's old clothes.
It always smells warm and comfy and clean. Three of my favourite things.

The Bad - Things I don't:

*Waking up early in the morning.
I will not be human till 10. Don't try to make any intelligent conversation with me till then. If you do, you will be rewarded with.. nothing. Just Don't Do It.

*Watching TV with the parents.
What is with TV nowadays?? I was watching Saturday Night Live the other night and my dad plopped on the couch for some father-daughter-TV-watching time. (Well, actually my dad wanted to steal the remote and change to some annoying sports channel. Clever person that I am, I sat on the remote instead. Lala.
Current State of Remote Control: It don't move no more.)
Anyways, so I was watching tv with the padre, when suddenly the folks on SNL decide to do a spoof on.. wait for it.. Basic Instinct. Guess which scene was the erm... focal point? I wanted to die.
The next day, I was watching Private Practice with my dad (Smart I know.). And Tada! The show was about a 13 year-old kid who has gonorrhea.
My curfew is now 4:30 in the afternoon. Hmph.

*Walking outside during/after it rains.
I dont care how 'romantic' people say it is. It's mucky, yucky, and gross. Wake me up when the monsoon ends.

*UB40
Make them stop.

The Blah- Things that don't really bother me, but I can live without:

*My co-workers and a certain someone nick-named 'Stewie'.
So my friends at work have been teasing me with the afore-mentioned person... and they aren't subtle about it. Now this person actually thinks I like him, and has developed an attitude overnight. How do I tell this person, that the only reason we call him Stewie is coz he looks (unfortunately) like the evil, matricidal baby from Family Guy? And that the only reason they tease me with him, is because I said it first? How? How? Life is so difficult for us pretty folks. (Snort hehe.. must keep straight face. )

*Vegetables.
Barf.
Enough said.