I wanna be a rock star.
I do. Really. I can totally imagine myself rocking on stage with this insanely awesome outfit which would be kinda Gwen Stefani-meets-Joan-Jetts-without-any-of-the-Olivia Newton John. I've already got the diva-like attitude down so I'm very capable of throwing a hissy fit over my non-4000 thread count bedsheets and insisting on only red M 'n' Ms and seedless grapes in my dressing room.
The only thing I cannot imagine, is the singing.
It's not like I'm bad at singing. I'm pretty good actually. I can do the crazy trills and stuff, and I KNOW I'm sing better than of the Spice Girls, but then again.. that isn't that high a standard to live up to. I just have a teeensy weensy bit of problem with my pitch. Shivonne put it more erm.. succinctly. She said, "Sheryll. Your pitches are bitches." (I have such an encouraging family. Joy.)
Well, there's that, and the fact that I CANNOT sing on stage.
I can stand alone, on stage, in front of thousands of people, and talk about God knows what, for God knows how long. And I have. I can have a ridiculous role in a skit and act in front of any number of people and not get well, too nervous. Been there, done that too. But sing? No. I just can't.
I've been terrified of things most people don't give a rat's furry bottom for. For example, 12th grade sports day. Being student body president, I had to give the opening speech in front of a huge crowd. I also had to lead the march past. No prizes for guessing what scared me more. I was petrified of MARCHING. Marching! It's just walking! But easier! Still.
Fear's a funny thing. People are afraid of everything from things that go bump in the night, to I don't know, cheese. But the scariest thing for me is to just exist. Not live. Exist. If, like Shakespeare said, all the world's a stage and all people it's players, it would be just awful if my only part was as the tree in Act II, Scene 4. Easily replaced by Styrofoam and cardboard cut-outs.
What if no one missed you when you're not there? What if no one even REALIZED that you were missing? My best friend in my first semester of college was a great deal more popular than I was, so therefore, I spent a lot of time feeling like an extra. A prop that eats, if you will. And that wasn't an overly pleasant time for me, I'll tell you that. I haven't learned much from that experience, except that it sucks to be invisible.
Well, I'm not invisible now. At least I think I'm not. Which truthfully, is all that's necessary. I know that if people have trouble 'seeing' you, it's just that their eyesight wasn't all that great to begin with. End of story.
P.S. I just got my salary. Now it doesn't matter even if I were invisible. I'm invisible, but with money. And that's good enough for me. Woohoo!!!
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Monday, September 15, 2008
Trans-mortification
Trans-mortification (noun)- to be so ashamed that one wants to transform into another entity.
Sound familiar? Welcome to my childhood.
My life is one long trans-mortification after another, and I remember every single one of them. Here are a few.
5th grade- My very soulful rendition of 'All the colors of the rainbow'.
I found out from the recording. I did sound like a cat dying.
6th grade- Uniform skirt shows more loyalty to bench than to wearer.
My teacher asked me a question. I stood up. My skirt did not follow. Praise God for petticoats and overly-prudish mothers.
7th grade- Finding out why I was so good at musical chairs.
No one wanted to get in the way of my big caboose. I once pushed this guy out of the chair at a Christmas party. (I get ruthless while playing musical chairs.. who'd have thought?). We found him three days later under the tree. I used to have a huge crush on him. He never DID ask me out. Go figure.
8th grade- Getting ready for my annual class photo.
It was just after PT, and i was vain. So I ran to the nearest reflective surface to preen and adjust my uniform. Unfortunately, that reflective surface was the window of the Chemistry lab and every single 11th grade boy saw me fidgeting with and then tucking in my shirt. That taught me the 'perils of vanity'. I learned my lesson well. If u ever saw 'High school Sheryll' or 'College Sheryll', you'd understand. No one can look like that and still be vain. Actually, u can.. but then it would be call delirium.
11th grade- Pizza Hut.
There was a Pizza Hut in a nearby township in Kuwait. That was my family's 'place'. Birthday? Pizza Hut. Good report card? Pizza Hut. Weekend? Pizza Hut. So we went to India for vacation one summer and consequently, did not go there for amost two months. When we finally did go back (by 'back' I mean BOTH Kuwait and Pizza Hut... which to my muddled, muddled mind, is the same thing) yeah, so when we entered the restaurant, the entire staff clapped. GAAH!
Today- The fall and recovery
I fell down the stairs today. In front of my colleagues. I thought I recovered pretty well because I literally bounced back up and struck a pose. Apparently, that was funnier than my 'tumble'. How do I know? Because after my oh-so-esteemed colleagues 'regained their composure', they told my boss. In graphic detail. Hmm... Wonder if Gemini Circus is hiring.
Obviously, you can see that I embarrass pretty easy. I am also embarrassing. Very, very. But that, like 'The Cat in the Hat', is a different story.
Sound familiar? Welcome to my childhood.
My life is one long trans-mortification after another, and I remember every single one of them. Here are a few.
5th grade- My very soulful rendition of 'All the colors of the rainbow'.
I found out from the recording. I did sound like a cat dying.
6th grade- Uniform skirt shows more loyalty to bench than to wearer.
My teacher asked me a question. I stood up. My skirt did not follow. Praise God for petticoats and overly-prudish mothers.
7th grade- Finding out why I was so good at musical chairs.
No one wanted to get in the way of my big caboose. I once pushed this guy out of the chair at a Christmas party. (I get ruthless while playing musical chairs.. who'd have thought?). We found him three days later under the tree. I used to have a huge crush on him. He never DID ask me out. Go figure.
8th grade- Getting ready for my annual class photo.
It was just after PT, and i was vain. So I ran to the nearest reflective surface to preen and adjust my uniform. Unfortunately, that reflective surface was the window of the Chemistry lab and every single 11th grade boy saw me fidgeting with and then tucking in my shirt. That taught me the 'perils of vanity'. I learned my lesson well. If u ever saw 'High school Sheryll' or 'College Sheryll', you'd understand. No one can look like that and still be vain. Actually, u can.. but then it would be call delirium.
11th grade- Pizza Hut.
There was a Pizza Hut in a nearby township in Kuwait. That was my family's 'place'. Birthday? Pizza Hut. Good report card? Pizza Hut. Weekend? Pizza Hut. So we went to India for vacation one summer and consequently, did not go there for amost two months. When we finally did go back (by 'back' I mean BOTH Kuwait and Pizza Hut... which to my muddled, muddled mind, is the same thing) yeah, so when we entered the restaurant, the entire staff clapped. GAAH!
Today- The fall and recovery
I fell down the stairs today. In front of my colleagues. I thought I recovered pretty well because I literally bounced back up and struck a pose. Apparently, that was funnier than my 'tumble'. How do I know? Because after my oh-so-esteemed colleagues 'regained their composure', they told my boss. In graphic detail. Hmm... Wonder if Gemini Circus is hiring.
Obviously, you can see that I embarrass pretty easy. I am also embarrassing. Very, very. But that, like 'The Cat in the Hat', is a different story.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Yellow Bikes, Puff Sleeves and Asianet - Oh my!
I am a twisted, twisted person.
Why? Here's an example. I thought Russell Crowe was super hot as the troubled, emotionally stunted cop in L.A. Confidential, as opposed to (gluteus) Maximus in Gladiator. Maybe I couldn't get over the whole man-in-leather-mini-skirt thing. Thankfully i got over that by the time Troy was released. Come to think of it, I cant remember anything from that movie other than the fact that most of the characters wore my very favorite shade of blue. Well, that and Brad Pitt's thighs.
Well, there are some things I'll just never understand and in honor of those 'things' I give you
'Sheryll's Top Ten Things I don't Understand'.
1. Why my parents named my brother 'Swilin'.
Apparently it was supposed to be a combination of my parents' names -Sampson and Leena. But Swilin?? How did tat come?? WHERE did it come from?? What does it MEAN?? WHY?????
2. Yellow bikes and cars.
I hate yellow vehicles. Whenever I see one, I don't know whether to burn it, or do the Mexican Wave.
3. Elbow-length puff sleeves.
'Fashionistas'. Sure it may be/was in fashion. But elbow-length, puff sleeves look good on NO ONE. It just gives u super broad shoulders which, unless you're an NFL player, is NOT a good thing. So there.
4. My hair.
Why o Why must my hair misbehave so? I tell you, my friends, I'm not follicle-y challenged. I'm follicle-y FED UP.
5. Boys who diss girls who wear make-up.
From what I have heard, apparently girls who wear make-up are distorting their true looks (or beauty.. depending on who you ask.) I'm sorry guys, but girls wear make-up becoz we dont have any facial hair to mutilate into goatees/french-beards/Blackbeards.. watever. It's the same principle. Get over yourselves already.
6. Old people who say that the present generation is going to the dogs.
I'm sorry, was Idi Amin born in 1986?
7. The roads in Banashankari. And the route to Avenue Road.
I. Just. Dont. Get. It.
8. Wannabe 'non-conformists'.
'I'm gonna head-bang to Metallica, wear black and have an affinity to skulls and metal-link chains. Coz I want to be unique, JUST like everyone else.' Barf.
9. Asianet serials.
They begin every weeknight at 7 PM and end.. actually.. they never end. Want to watch American Idol on Star World? No! Because Enda Manasa Putri's on. World coming to an end? Not now, they just found out what happened to the baby-daddy on Swapnam. End ammo!!!
10. Newton's Third Law of Motion.
This one is really embarassing to admit. I mean.. here I am, an electronics engineering graduate and I still cant wrap my head around this one. 'Every action has an equal and opposite reaction'.
Q. So how do things move??
A. If the reaction is in the same direction as the force..blah blah Newton, apple, gravity, chandeliers, fuzzy woodland creatures.. I'm sorry, what?
And now for Sheryll's list of 'Things I DO Understand'.
1. Newton's First Law of Motion
I understand inertia. Anyone who's seen 'Sheryll at home' vs 'Sheryll at work' knows what I'm talking about. My motto in life was 'No fear, no inertia'. Erm.. Zero out of two ain't bad rite?? Oh to live in denial. (Just like most other Egyptians. Guffaw..)
2. Why I spend 75 bucks every two months and buy myself a copy of Cosmopolitan.
One word. Shoes. Glorious shoes. Clothes may come and go but a pair of high-heeled, red-soled, Christian Louboutin shoes is a joy forever. (My parents should fall on their knees every day, and thank the good Lord that He 'blessed' their oh-so-beloved-third child (that would be me) with feet the size of Godzilla's mother... the hormonal, pregnant one. Yay them. Bah.)
That's it. Obviously I don't understand much. Quelle surprise, I know.
Why? Here's an example. I thought Russell Crowe was super hot as the troubled, emotionally stunted cop in L.A. Confidential, as opposed to (gluteus) Maximus in Gladiator. Maybe I couldn't get over the whole man-in-leather-mini-skirt thing. Thankfully i got over that by the time Troy was released. Come to think of it, I cant remember anything from that movie other than the fact that most of the characters wore my very favorite shade of blue. Well, that and Brad Pitt's thighs.
Well, there are some things I'll just never understand and in honor of those 'things' I give you
'Sheryll's Top Ten Things I don't Understand'.
1. Why my parents named my brother 'Swilin'.
Apparently it was supposed to be a combination of my parents' names -Sampson and Leena. But Swilin?? How did tat come?? WHERE did it come from?? What does it MEAN?? WHY?????
2. Yellow bikes and cars.
I hate yellow vehicles. Whenever I see one, I don't know whether to burn it, or do the Mexican Wave.
3. Elbow-length puff sleeves.
'Fashionistas'. Sure it may be/was in fashion. But elbow-length, puff sleeves look good on NO ONE. It just gives u super broad shoulders which, unless you're an NFL player, is NOT a good thing. So there.
4. My hair.
Why o Why must my hair misbehave so? I tell you, my friends, I'm not follicle-y challenged. I'm follicle-y FED UP.
5. Boys who diss girls who wear make-up.
From what I have heard, apparently girls who wear make-up are distorting their true looks (or beauty.. depending on who you ask.) I'm sorry guys, but girls wear make-up becoz we dont have any facial hair to mutilate into goatees/french-beards/Blackbeards.. watever. It's the same principle. Get over yourselves already.
6. Old people who say that the present generation is going to the dogs.
I'm sorry, was Idi Amin born in 1986?
7. The roads in Banashankari. And the route to Avenue Road.
I. Just. Dont. Get. It.
8. Wannabe 'non-conformists'.
'I'm gonna head-bang to Metallica, wear black and have an affinity to skulls and metal-link chains. Coz I want to be unique, JUST like everyone else.' Barf.
9. Asianet serials.
They begin every weeknight at 7 PM and end.. actually.. they never end. Want to watch American Idol on Star World? No! Because Enda Manasa Putri's on. World coming to an end? Not now, they just found out what happened to the baby-daddy on Swapnam. End ammo!!!
10. Newton's Third Law of Motion.
This one is really embarassing to admit. I mean.. here I am, an electronics engineering graduate and I still cant wrap my head around this one. 'Every action has an equal and opposite reaction'.
Q. So how do things move??
A. If the reaction is in the same direction as the force..blah blah Newton, apple, gravity, chandeliers, fuzzy woodland creatures.. I'm sorry, what?
And now for Sheryll's list of 'Things I DO Understand'.
1. Newton's First Law of Motion
I understand inertia. Anyone who's seen 'Sheryll at home' vs 'Sheryll at work' knows what I'm talking about. My motto in life was 'No fear, no inertia'. Erm.. Zero out of two ain't bad rite?? Oh to live in denial. (Just like most other Egyptians. Guffaw..)
2. Why I spend 75 bucks every two months and buy myself a copy of Cosmopolitan.
One word. Shoes. Glorious shoes. Clothes may come and go but a pair of high-heeled, red-soled, Christian Louboutin shoes is a joy forever. (My parents should fall on their knees every day, and thank the good Lord that He 'blessed' their oh-so-beloved-third child (that would be me) with feet the size of Godzilla's mother... the hormonal, pregnant one. Yay them. Bah.)
That's it. Obviously I don't understand much. Quelle surprise, I know.
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