Back to the Past

I once read that every good story starts with a “What if”. Of course that is pointless if all your stories are straight out of Shutter Island and involve some form of fire and/or unicorns.

As you can tell, my attempts at story writing were miserable at best. Joy.

So one of my favourite-est stories that I can remember right now, was the plot of that Bruce Willis movie where he did not die hard. You know, the one where his 5 year old self comes to present day and is all-round unimpressed with his 40 year old self? That was pretty cool. I wish I could do that too. Not the general all-round unimpressed-ness with self. That I do already. But I do wish I could go back in time and tell 15-year-old Sheryll the startling truths I know now. Words of infinite wisdom like “A mullet is not such a good idea” or “That one year old murukku will make you barf for days” or astounding prophesies like “In 2011, Westlife will still suck”.

Time travel is so wicked cool.

So I decided to make a molehill out of mud and write an open letter to Sheryll 10 years ago.

Dear 15-year old Sheryll,

1. You still have lousy grammar.
   
2. You will like lists. So much that even your letters look like grocery lists. You do not have that many friends.
   
3. You will become impatient with people who talk nonstop to people who don't care. You’re not one of them anymore. You have a blog instead.
4. You will meet and marry a guy taller than you. No, height is not such a big deal. But yes, it does feel nice.
5. Contrary to popular belief, you will learn to cook. And you’re not terrible either. Your husband only gets food poisoning once every three months. (Win!)
6. You will turn in to one of those people who get excited by fresh vegetables at the store.
7. You wear saris to church now. And like it!
8. By 2011, you will have attacked a lizard, killed a snake (ok you ran over it with your car, but still!), and braved an Indian public restroom, but you still don’t know how to ride a bicycle.
9. You will hate going to the beauty parlor. Your eyebrows now look like two woolly caterpillars on a date.
10. You will attempt to salvage your beauty with homemade procedures. Now you have a mama caterpillar and a baby caterpillar instead.
11. You will not look like the abominable snowman on your wedding day. Your dress will feature an enormous bow on your behind (coincidently, also enormous), but a Yeti you are not. Some people will actually say you looked pretty nice.
12. You will wear red shoes with your wedding dress and feel very cool and rebel-like.
13. No one notices your red shoes. But you like them anyway.
14. You will become so absent-minded that you will routinely forget your lunch box at work.
15. You will attempt to fix your absentmindedness with post-it notes saying “Take me home!!”
16. You will still forget your lunch box at the office.
17. You will learn to drive and become the family’s official chauffeur for 4 years until you get married off by the age of 23. (Yes! 23!)
18. In 2008, you will become very super acquainted with a little website called Facebook. It makes stalking fun.
19. You have finally learned to peel fruit all by yourself. Take that, Shiv!! Hah! I need you not no more!
20. You still haven’t mastered the art of a good ending so all your posts end somewhat anti-climatic-ally.

Love,
25-year-old Sheryll