Fear Factor

I wanna be a rock star.

I do. Really. I can totally imagine myself rocking on stage with this insanely awesome outfit which would be kinda Gwen Stefani-meets-Joan-Jetts-without-any-of-the-Olivia Newton John. I've already got the diva-like attitude down so I'm very capable of throwing a hissy fit over my non-4000 thread count bedsheets and insisting on only red M 'n' Ms and seedless grapes in my dressing room.

The only thing I cannot imagine, is the singing.

It's not like I'm bad at singing. I'm pretty good actually. I can do the crazy trills and stuff, and I KNOW I'm sing better than of the Spice Girls, but then again.. that isn't that high a standard to live up to. I just have a teeensy weensy bit of problem with my pitch. Shivonne put it more erm.. succinctly. She said, "Sheryll. Your pitches are bitches." (I have such an encouraging family. Joy.)

Well, there's that, and the fact that I CANNOT sing on stage.

I can stand alone, on stage, in front of thousands of people, and talk about God knows what, for God knows how long. And I have. I can have a ridiculous role in a skit and act in front of any number of people and not get well, too nervous. Been there, done that too. But sing? No. I just can't.

I've been terrified of things most people don't give a rat's furry bottom for. For example, 12th grade sports day. Being student body president, I had to give the opening speech in front of a huge crowd. I also had to lead the march past. No prizes for guessing what scared me more. I was petrified of MARCHING. Marching! It's just walking! But easier! Still.

Fear's a funny thing. People are afraid of everything from things that go bump in the night, to I don't know, cheese. But the scariest thing for me is to just exist. Not live. Exist. If, like Shakespeare said, all the world's a stage and all people it's players, it would be just awful if my only part was as the tree in Act II, Scene 4. Easily replaced by Styrofoam and cardboard cut-outs.

What if no one missed you when you're not there? What if no one even REALIZED that you were missing? My best friend in my first semester of college was a great deal more popular than I was, so therefore, I spent a lot of time feeling like an extra. A prop that eats, if you will. And that wasn't an overly pleasant time for me, I'll tell you that. I haven't learned much from that experience, except that it sucks to be invisible.

Well, I'm not invisible now. At least I think I'm not. Which truthfully, is all that's necessary. I know that if people have trouble 'seeing' you, it's just that their eyesight wasn't all that great to begin with. End of story.

P.S. I just got my salary. Now it doesn't matter even if I were invisible. I'm invisible, but with money. And that's good enough for me. Woohoo!!!