If

There was this song we used to sing in church. It kinda went like this- Count your blessings name them one by one and it will surprise you what the Lord has done.

Guess it’s worth a shot.

Counting my Blessings. Take 1.

1. I am thankful that I got to spend at least one year with Rajeev.
2. I am thankful for my family. I can’t imagine getting through this without you.
3. I am thankful for the life I got to lead with Rajeev- that we never once shied away from showing/voicing our love for each other (We were quite embarrassing). That we never ever took each other for granted.
4. I am thankful for Bridget Jones’ Diary, Solitaire, and pedicures because somehow, apart from my family, these are the only things that seem to keep me sane.
5. I am thankful for my friends. Even though I don’t return your calls.
6. I am thankful for…

This isn’t working.

If wishes were horses,

• I’d wish that this was all just some crazy nightmare.
• I’d wish that he died the way we had planned to die- Together, after the family reunion we’d hold on our 70^th wedding anniversary, and because we boogied too much on the dance floor and ate too much cake.
• I’d wish that he never got sick in the first place.
• I’d wish that I had let him eat that last brownie instead of saving it for the folks at his office. I had promised that next time I’d make a whole batch just for him. Who knew?
• I’d wish that people stop coming to me and crying. I really don’t know what to do then. Crying people make me cry and I really, really hate crying in public.
• I’d wish that life was like in the movies where teardrops were enough to wake up anyone in a coma.
• I’d wish that I could just fast forward to five years later and not have to deal with the todays.
• I’d wish that I could mess up his hairdo one more time.
• I’d wish that we got to take more ridiculous photos.
• I’d wish that we could both sing Wolfmother songs in the car again.
• I’d wish he were still around.

If wishes were horses, hell, I still wouldn’t have one.