I Like to Sing-a, About the Moon-a and the June-a and the Spring-a, I Like to Sing-a!

When I grow up, while I DO want to be famous, want to be a star, yada, yada, yada, there are some things I just cannot do.

Things I cannot be when I grow up
1. Rock goddess
2. Folk singer
3. Cast member of Cats
4. Maria von Trapp
5. A waitress

Here’s why.

Imagine a CSI meets L.A. Law inspired opening scene. (Tan TAN!)

Date: 31st May, 2009
Time: 6 P.M. (or it’s thereabouts)
Place: Sunshine Orphanage, Bangalore
Victims: Sheryll’s ego and everyone’s ear drums

But, How?

The Adventist Youth dept put up a program at Sunshine orphanage that fateful Saturday evening, and one of the scheduled ‘events’ was that we had to teach the kids a song. Well, Shivonne had to anyways. She couldn’t make it so I bravely stepped forward. I mean, how bad could it be, right?

Wrong.

It was bad. Really bad. So bad that one uncle later told me that he had never heard ONE song sung in so many different pitches. In his vote of thanks, the church pastor thanked me for the lovely songs I taught them. SongS?? It was ONE song! Guess not everyone understands the musical stylings of Sheryll ‘Norah Jones’ Sampson.

So there I was, singing ‘I love the mountains, I love the rolling hills, I love the… Baaaaah’

What the? A sheep? In the middle of campus?? How? When? Why??? And in all confusion, I blurted out (and loud) the first thing that came to my mind.

'It wasn’t me.'

Gah!

Turns out that one of the AY leaders was testing out the animal noises he’d downloaded for a Noah’s Ark skit which we were going to perform after my song.

But seriously Bean, sheep? What next? Elephant noises?

Yes. Yes indeed. I bravely smiled, joked with the audience, and continued singing ‘I love the mountains, I love the rolling hills, I love the… pppppppppphhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwww...’

This is getting old.

Thanks to my awesome powers of delusional optimism (aka glass half full… with nectar of the gods… and magically slimming Lindt chocolate-itis), I see at least two upsides to this sad and sordid story.
1. I’ve got new material for Chapter 4 of my autobiography – ‘How I Became the Crazy Cat Lady’ (working title. Also called ‘How to Die Alone’)
2. I was so bad that the kids forgot that I was supposed to teach them a song and thought I was part of the regular entertainment. It’s like George Burns once said “If I get big laughs, I'm a comedian. If I get little laughs, I'm a humorist. If I get no laughs, I'm a singer.”
I got big laughs, people (person?), BIG laughs. Conan O’Brian better watch his back or the dude’s job is so Bangalored, baby!

Huh.

And why not a waitress you ask? Coz I’m so heavy duty clumsy I make my momma cry, that’s why.

Sing it with me, people! Boom-di-ala, Boom-di-ala, Boom-di-ala, Boom-di-ala...