Tada!

Guess who's moving to Australia in two months??

Well, for two years at least.

Just goes to show ya... sometimes life may have to suck but sometimes, it gets better. 

Random Ramblings

Sometimes, when I’m feeling blue, I go online and read blogs of other women who lost their husbands. Most of these blogs are about 3-4 years old and I like that because I imagine that it would be me 3 to 4 years down the line. Some of the ladies have children, some do not. Some of the ladies are now in new functional relationships, some are not. It’s a diverse crowd out there but the one common thread is they are still sad, still angry, still depressed. And I think “Aww Hell No!”  I understand that the blog is not a reflection of every minute of every day of their lives and that it is an outlet for that one moment in their day when everything seems hopeless. But it can get discouraging for us newbies.
But here’s the thing- it’s not hopeless. It’s NEVER hopeless. What’s the thing that Dr. Seuss once said? “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose…..”?

‘Course I don’t always feel that way.Sometimes, just like that, out of the blue, I remember that I am a widow. And instantly, I feel like such a fraud. What the heck am I doing singing and organizing church events? How can I laugh or goof around?  Shouldn’t I be sitting in some corner somewhere bemoaning my fate? How can I be painting my nails or dancing in my car? In that instant, everything I do feels so wrong and horribly disgraceful. But then I realize- I may be a widow, but I am not JUST a widow. I may be Rajeev’s wife. But I am also Sampson’s and Leena’s daughter. I am also Shivonne’s big sister. And Swilin’s and Sherlin’s little sister. I love my husband and I will never ever forget him- not the way he’d say “Yeayaah!” when he was excited about stuff, not his ridiculous love for Structure jeans, and definitely not that he remembered what I was wearing that Sabbath in July 2008 when we met for the very, very first time (almost a whole year and a half before our parents thought about matching us up).I will never ever forget how much I love him or how much he loved me. But I will also never forget that I am more than just a sad, depressed shell of a human being. I’m alive. And I’m kicking. And I’ll be damned if I don’t let that work for me.